Why the Eruption of The Yellowstone Volcano Would Totally Suck – Are You Prepared For Armageddon?

  • Seismologists predict that the Yellowstone Super Volcano could blow at any time.
  • The last eruption of the Yellowstone Super Volcano was hundreds of thousands of years ago.
  • Scientists claim the Yellowstone Super Volcano could wipe out humanity if it erupts with full fury.

For some reason, the inevitable eruption of the Yellowstone Super Volcano is in the news again. Such a catastrophe would be devastating to the US, of course, and would probably affect the whole world over the days, weeks and months to follow. Still, the chances of it occurring within the next 10,000 years is about a million to one. But, what if it happens sooner? With our luck, it would probably be on a Friday. Right around quitting time. On payday. Just before “Ladies Only” happy hour. Now, THAT would be a catastrophe…

What If The Yellowstone Super Volcano Blows?:

According to geologists, the Yellowstone Super Volcano is WAY overdue for eruption. With a pre-historic cycle of about every 300,000 years, the current magma pool has been stewing for twice that long. And, it’s a matter of when, not if. So, maybe that loony guy down the block who is stocking up on canned goods and bottled water is not so goofy after all. Hopefully, he’ll have room for one more down in his underground bunker…

Every living thing within 50 miles would be in danger from red-hot, flowing lava. That’s mostly flora and fauna, but, if the Yellowstone Super Volcano blows without warning, plenty of humans would be at risk as well. But, let’s face it, they’d mostly be dumb, fat, gawking tourists. So, no great loss there…

Everything within 500 miles would be covered in two feet of ash. And, even as far away as New York City, the dust would be an inch thick as the cloud spreads across North America to the east and over the Pacific ocean to the west. But, at least there would be plenty of juicy overtime for sanitation departments to milk coast to coast…

The ash would clog highways and prevent millions of people from going about their daily lives. This would go on for weeks, even months, as roads became impassable. So, if you’ve ever been stuck at an airport overnight, multiply that nightmare a thousand times. And, get ready for even more intrusive TSA pat downs…

Over the next few weeks, the ash cloud would spread, blocking out the sun. The disaster would kill off all vegetation within millions of square miles. Luckily, the US has more than a year of grain reserves on hand. But, thousands of kilos of some really killer, primo weed would be wiped out without even so much as a toke…

Volcanic ash would contaminate freshwater supplies. The results would force every thirsty inhabitant affected to switch to super energy drinks and cafe lattes until the crisis was over. So, the aftermath of an eruption of the Yellowstone Super Volcano would likely turn half the country into a bunch of snooty, Red Bull drinking, Hipster Doofuses. Oh. Wait. It’s already like that…

Lesser eruptions around the world are teaching seismologists just what’s at stake. Volcanic ash has disrupted air travel in some congested travel corridors and millions of people have been displaced by cataclysmic events which pale in comparison to the lava pool trapped beneath the serene beauty of the Yellowstone region. Luckily, not many people have a hankering to visit Iceland…

The ash cloud would travel around the globe. This would disrupt airline traffic for months and prevent illegal immigrants from entering the US to take advantage of “free” welfare while cranking out millions of “Anchor” babies. Hmm. Sounds like one of Donald Trump’s crazy policy ideas…

The lingering ash cloud would also disrupt weather patterns. That would cause thousands of miles of beautiful, coastal beaches to be closed. So, no posts of hot babes in bikinis for a while…

It’s more than likely that civilization would survive globally. But, millions of people would be wiped out in vast population pockets centered around huge metropolitan areas in North America. In other words, basically all the useless City Slickers who couldn’t change a flat tire if their lives depended on it. And, it would…

It could mean the extinction of Mankind itself. And, that would be a catastrophe. Especially if it happens before the next season of Stranger Things is available for binge watching on Netflix. OR (gulp!) preventing the red carpet premiere of the X-Men reboot with an all-girl cast. On second thought…

What do you think?

Please let us know, with a comment below!

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Reid Moore

Reid Moore is a Freelance Blogger retired from the USAF who lives in Riverside, California. Reid Moore has been writing online since 1996 on a wide variety of topics including News, Sports, Politics, Tech, Gaming, Autos, Popular Culture, Science, Music, Poetry, Art, Literature, the Paranormal, the Outdoors, Travel, Nature, Pets, Animals and Wildlife. So, naturally, in his spare time, Reid Moore can be found taking a well deserved nap...
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